going back and living in a different way...

Exactly this day, is my day of departure going back to my hometown. When I arrive here, i saw hope. I saw the very hope I felt when I'm with my family. But because it`s a must, I should. I'm 20. At this age, people wanted to find there pillars to attain success. And I, think that the right time and the right day is now, and there... in my hometown is the right place. Well, that`s a fact for now.
It's tuesday morning. I'm at the living room. It feels so good that I saw the sun at this time. Fall is in the air. I began to love fall. I began to stare colorful leaves that will eventually fall from its branches at the right time. I think, it's my favorite season of the year. Right now, I'm being blinded by the rays of the sun that peeps behind those fall trees. It's amazing. I will miss this so much. I feel like crying, but on the second thought, can I save the drama with all the hardships that I may encounter at my destination place. ;) I know there will be so much problems there, but it can't be helped. I, also want happiness there, so let's call it a quits. ;))))
As much as possible, seeing things in a new light is the best thing to do. When you can't see any light, you have to. You have to, for all things... all have light.... all have hope.
I'll be going alone.  I think it's the first step to really find myself. Being alone. Besides, I have to find myself, me.. my only me. A year ago, I also said the same words when I step right here, but I guess when God and when your heart wanted the old way, the very best thing to do  is to go back in the place where all your hopes, dreams and laughters started. Right now, this is my home, this is where my family members is. But, I have to sacrifice. It's for  my own good. My young adult life should start there, now. This is from my life navigates. This is from my success' pillars.

I woke up early today, I don't know why. It sucks but now, it's my favorite time of the day. The sun keeps blinding my vision but I love it. The cold air.. is, always been cold. But, somehow it warms my heart. The warmth that I will miss feeling. When I first came here, I keep asking why people wanted to live in a place when it`s cold for almost all days of the year. Now, somehow, I know why. And that`s people here chases for warmth, and when they chase it and find it where, they will be happy.
From inside, I still hear the rushing and dancing of the leaves. It is like a bell ringing in my ears. A holy bell. Can I just say that I don't really hate this place that much. No.... no, i don't really hate it. Thanks to me, because from the time I step at this foreign country, I didn't tell to myself that I will hate this. It's the phrase I always bring wherever I go. I think it's because places is not a thing to deal with as long as you wanted to be happy. I think places can be your home when in your heart the only thing you wanted is happiness, bliss...

Yesterday, we went apple picking and visit a relative's house. I don't really like apple much. But, I want memories above all.So I went. We went. That`s the best one. They say, `an apple a day keeps the doctor away`, but I say why need an apple if you can have a bunch of it, to keep more doctors away.hihih
My mother said then, we don`t went there to pick apples but to take pictures, because that`s all we did. I felt the heart there. I felt the love there. At first, I know that it`ll be awkward at some point. (I will not elaborate on that because I don`t have to.) I won`t, because it will bring tears just right now. Ahm, wait.. let me just eat some apple....;((

When you can`t but to question some things, I think the best way was to ignore them.  I just learned that lesson yesterday. Because feelings might be involved, sometimes we  right thing to do is just to ignore it. And go where your heart feels.

So.. there... goodbye for now. I`ll do my best to blog when I arrived. ;)

My life as an otaku

My life is a mess. That's how it goes. Otaku means a person with so much love in manga and anime'. I'm 20 and still my love for manga and anime never changed. I have a confession to make and that is I'm proudly a sole owner of an account in tumblr managing lots of manga/anime boys' pictures and being followed by my fellow otaku estimating 500+ and adding. It's crazy right? All my free time is devoted in posting. Tumblr keeps telling me to be myself, and one of the things belongs to "being myself" is by posting. I'm working part-time now, I stopped studying for a year because I want to go back to the philippines and continue my studies there. I stopped anime when I'm studying so when there is an opportunity to return, i returned loving anime again. return being myself. i hate taking risks, it worries me. like, i'm afraid of doing something new. every people once in a while feel that way, right? it's normal. but, it can't be helped. anime is just an hobby and thought me so many things. it teaches me to go on, smile and face the world. it reflects a world that when you do your best, everything can fall into places. that, when you can hardly see yourself, someone will see you in a new light. if people seems distant, you can have your closest friends by your side and together you'll smile like there is no tomorrow. it teaches me that love can find it's way. that love can be at your doorsteps. it can give you hope. it can give you a wonderful feeling. you must fight for it, even if it will be so hard along the way. lastly, anime is anime. it is not true, i know. it can end in a 12 or 25 episodes. but, it's the lesson that all that matters.

so, when you feeling blue, try watch one. ;)

life

Hi. It's september. I'm going back to the philippines again next month exactly a month from now. I must continue my studies, take a review and pass the board. I know it will take time, and i know that things are easy said than done, but it is how it goes. At least, for now, I'm decided. I know things might go good or bad along the way, but I know it will be ok. When things go wrong, it's easy for me to resolve by keeping quiet, by blaming in myself and forgetting than condemning on others, carry the hurt and hate others. 

Like these tiny little birds borned a day old, I will surely be strong and look for a new beginning. I can feel that it's up to me from now on, on how my future will be built. I'm taking time, chances, and a lot of patience. I know it will be ok, God will be by my side. I know I can never be lonely for I'm always in the presence of an important person to whom in the first place, I owe my life with. And as long as He doesn't want to get back my life, I'll be in here, with so much hope for happiness.

long live! good luck!

tears no more.

Tissues, everyone?

Crying is the best way to express someone's feelings. The strongest person and the happiest one had always been moments in their life when all they've done was to cry. It is a defense mechanism of the heart. The only doings of both saddest and happiest ones. They say that crying sometimes can clear feelings. After you cry, you will feel a lot better. When crying, i usually hide myself and get into my bed. During my weeping moments, i question God. I speak to Him about how I feel and how much it hurts. I would say that when I cr, I feel refreshed afterwards. My heart will change and live in up again. After a bucketful of tears, I will always turn over my hurtful feelings to the Lord. And in return, He will give me new hope to fight for aiming happiness. ;)

my life's simple happiness

When I say simple things, i mean very simple. It can be my family, my friends, and these things:

The flower Rosal is always been my favorite and close to my heart. My grandparents' house had rosal plants on it and blooms with gorgeous flowers. It smells so good. I really want to have many rosal flowers in our house or in my future house. ;) I also remember my kind grandmother. The scent of it makes me remember her everytime. I will always treasure a kind grandmother like her. It breaks my heart because she's not here anymore when I needed a person to hold on to. When I'm crying it will be so hard patting my own heart. When things are not doing good, and when all you do is cry, you will realize people's own way of taking care of you. My grandmother at this point, will give me an ice cream. Anyways, i hope someone will give a rosal and enumerate why he/she gave me one.

I love food! It's when I eat good and delicious food that can kill depression. It's my medicine of heartaches and self-disappointments. But, there are food that I prefer not to eat. Foods that are sour never gets my buds.  That's why I always catch runny nose and cough.

i love pets! i love animals. i love cats and dogs.

i love music. But, i think, it didn't love me? haha.

;)

Monday

It's Monday. Hi! It's about 10 days+ after my birthday. I'm 20 years old now. It's the start of thinking and thinking so hard. I admit that this part of my life, I will make decisions that can make a different path into different/mysterious future. It hurts in my head, I think about two things and that is if I'm gonna continue studying or continue working.

I know God has plans. I prayed to Him to do the decision-making because I can't decide it myself. It is my weakness because from my childhood years my parents are the one deciding and I'm just being obedient doing what they like and trying to analyze why they plan that. I suck into deciding on my own, and for me to decide this big for my future.. my head and heart hurts. It is so hard to balance out things. Because in the end, if I fail... there is no one Ican blame but myself. And I may regret, balme and pity myself. I may think that I'm stupid and weak.

Anyways, God will bless me!
bye.;)

June 9.

The day before my 20th birthday. If I were to sumup all my experiences my 19 th year living, i'll be spending several hours of typing, and bucketful of tears. Tomorrow, I'll be leaving my teen years and it was so hard for me. You know why? Because everytime I age... I regret the days that it could be more happy if things were in my control and I, have been more true to myself. Things changes everyday, time flys so fast... i always say that.. and I, being left out by the world.

As off my last day of being a teen, it is nice to know that I found myself alive, typing and doing stuffs at net, which I really like.. I am about to enter a world full of new things and new trials, that to be honest, I am afraid myself. I am to face whatever things will be up to, whether it means sacrifing myself... and what I really want. Life is ironic, and the whole world balances it. I may be have,, or surely... have gray days..but I terribly believe that things will be alright.Things will go into places, and even if I don't want it...it can't be helped. The sun will still shine from our left and it will fall down to our right. I think... I will be ok...i will.
happy birthday to myself!

oK. I was curious about this 11:11 phenomenon. Or is it really a phenomenon?

I'll be giving some book writings related to this belief and some true stories that people relates to this numbers.

the wallflower

the wallflower

reason why you love writing

reason why you love writing

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Thank God its friday! You know, when I'm in elementary and highschool years, Friday was the best day of the week and saturday was just awesome. I am really nervous then when it is Sunday night, because after that night, i'll be a student again getting pissed off with classes and school stuffs. So, yeah... i was bored. I opened then my camera at my laptop and click some shots.

It was in our living room and kinda hungry. So till here. Ow wait..hmm..I had a lonely/awkward memory yesterday but I don't wanna tell now, because that's in the past. I was really optimistic in this time of my life right now, I don't know why. Because things seems not falling into places, I got myself like, i got my defense mechanism of cheering myself. Lately, i felt really bad and all i did is wrong and foolish. At the past, when like this came at my way, all i do is cry. But, now...i just kinda numb. I do mistakes, but even if I do
it, right after I don't blame myself. I don't cry. I don't think hardly on that mistake. I will forget it the next few days. I forgive myself instantly, because I know, God is always forgiving me no matter what my unintentional actions were.

So, if you are reading this blog post, if you made a mistake, first thing you can do, is forgive yourself. Then, if you already forgive the hell out of you, and can smile after that, you can forgive others.

Hope it works.

till here.

xoxo

advice no. 1

Hi! I made this very simple video out of nowhere, out of boredness and sudden enthusiasm, i guess. I dream of writing articles and self-help books. I wonder how problems will be solve through words. I question things with "what ifs". I am a fan of speakers and speeches. I wish someday that I can right a speech that will be presented and memorize by a well known speaker or leader. I want to have a book that will help lonely souls and heartbreaks. I want to be practical in terms of advices and thoughts. I imagine myself writing something, putting scraps into trashcans and repeating and repeating lines of ideas. Then after the losing my mind stage, i can come up with the perfect words for readers to be interested with.

For now, I prefer telling the world bits of advices. I know I can go there, in due time... in God's perfect time.

enjoy!

myself

This is myself. I never post much of my pictures at the internet because it is very risky at times. In this world with 6 billion people and multiplying, its kinda troublesome. But it is safe here, i guess. Besides, its just a photo. I know, i know, kinda nervous at times, haha, but, i'm just being cautious.

When I first create this blog, i said to myself that i will post only good memories here. I don`t want any negative things here. I feel very happy everytime I talk and write about how wonderful the world is and so is God. We are His creatures and we should manage ourselves to be wonderful inside and out. To be honest, on that part, i am just a simple girl. For that, being physically wonderful is not really my way of thinking, or should I say, my priority. As I`ve said at my last blog, i`m old-fashioned so, being so glamorous physically was not my thing.
Ok, enough of that.haha.

You know what, not much of energy today because kinda sad today.so gonna end this.
till next time.
xoxo

greetings!

Hello! I'm Cindy. Its my second account in blogger.com. I made this because I think I should put meaningful blogs that i want to share to people. I am loving blogs so much. I want to put all my thoughts and feelings by filling a lot of emotions through words and pictures and videos.

About myself:
Physically, i am short, 5'1 in height, and cute. Yah, bunch of courage in the "cute" word there. I think, therefore it is, right? I have a long, black hair, because I'm an asian, proud Filipino to be exact. I have a fair complexion. Ok, too much for the physical attributes.;)
In terms of how I think, i'm a positive thinker, for i always hope for the better yet i'm also a negative thinker at times. But as the saying goes, "why worry, when you can pray", i can tell i'm not that hopeless. I love God. He is my bestfriend.

To be honest, i am an old-fashioned gal. For that, I am not so good in managing myself to change.I get depressed and think things, making it big deal but at the end, it was not, then laughing myself off.
I always value people, trying to understand their actions. I always consider their thoughts and respect the hell out of them. I am really into analyzing how people behave and understand them discreetly in their own philosophy in life.
Gonna end this. Next time.!