things on my mind..

there are so many. from going to a risky path, getting a job i didn't particularly like, looking for money, studying again for extra credits, deciding if i'm gonna stay focused on my graduated degree and all big decision to simple things, like.. like.. staying with my habits of being lazy, reading books and manga until i die. if you are stronger than me, well congratulations! because, unlike you.. i did have to think discreetly before i act, knowing how afraid i am to take risks sometimes - especially to those i don't really like. and because opportunities always knocks on me, i am not really happy for it. because, it sucks having so much of it and yet, somehow things aren't for me. sometimes, i laugh out of it. usually, people say opportunities knock once so grab it wholeheartedly, but the fact that i can't see any good opportunity out of that 'opportunity' they say, it's not an opportunity for me to begin with.
one thing - being productive. if things will go in my way and i can fully love what my future job is, i will know everything will fall into place. it sucks having to do certain things that you didn't really like, for that, even if you have a good salary, you are not satisfied. and before you know it, you don't have eagerness to pursue such work.. and don't want to get up to bed anymore. because... because... you are not happy.
that's my only wish. well, first that one, and second, is to have to meet with mr. right. but i know, he will wait. you can really set aside love life because personally, it usually works for most people. Well, maybe those you have plans and eager to do it step by step.
Anyways, what  is surprising about myself is that  even if i live in a first world country, i can still live a simple life. if i'm not having a glamorous life today, it's not because i can't do things glamorously, it is because i won't do it. and maybe i'm a crazy-proud of it.. it's just how it works. sometimes you have to be contented having not to do anything, than doing so much yet having no contentment still. but that one thing some people you love and the society doesn't understand and accept is that, it didn't work for them because your an unproductive bitch. that the reason of being lost and doesn't know what to do.. is your own problem and not them.
that the crap of me and the crap of life. the crap of society and the crap of everything. life stereotypes life.people work, people come and go.. and being a worthless person is a sad person they always take advantage of.

ok.. what am i talking, im gonna shut up.