love matters

hi. the title is love matters. the crap would i know?!! Lol. i never fall in love before. My college days was full of gimiks, with friends, with books, with lessons. i don't know how to fall for a strange person but  i know how to get my heart hurt. And today, even if i'm prepared to both of those things, time somehow didn't permit it to happen. Of course, i'm willing to meet whoever that stranger that can love me and for me to love, but God only knows.

otta here.

going back and living in a different way...

Exactly this day, is my day of departure going back to my hometown. When I arrive here, i saw hope. I saw the very hope I felt when I'm with my family. But because it`s a must, I should. I'm 20. At this age, people wanted to find there pillars to attain success. And I, think that the right time and the right day is now, and there... in my hometown is the right place. Well, that`s a fact for now.
It's tuesday morning. I'm at the living room. It feels so good that I saw the sun at this time. Fall is in the air. I began to love fall. I began to stare colorful leaves that will eventually fall from its branches at the right time. I think, it's my favorite season of the year. Right now, I'm being blinded by the rays of the sun that peeps behind those fall trees. It's amazing. I will miss this so much. I feel like crying, but on the second thought, can I save the drama with all the hardships that I may encounter at my destination place. ;) I know there will be so much problems there, but it can't be helped. I, also want happiness there, so let's call it a quits. ;))))
As much as possible, seeing things in a new light is the best thing to do. When you can't see any light, you have to. You have to, for all things... all have light.... all have hope.
I'll be going alone.  I think it's the first step to really find myself. Being alone. Besides, I have to find myself, me.. my only me. A year ago, I also said the same words when I step right here, but I guess when God and when your heart wanted the old way, the very best thing to do  is to go back in the place where all your hopes, dreams and laughters started. Right now, this is my home, this is where my family members is. But, I have to sacrifice. It's for  my own good. My young adult life should start there, now. This is from my life navigates. This is from my success' pillars.

I woke up early today, I don't know why. It sucks but now, it's my favorite time of the day. The sun keeps blinding my vision but I love it. The cold air.. is, always been cold. But, somehow it warms my heart. The warmth that I will miss feeling. When I first came here, I keep asking why people wanted to live in a place when it`s cold for almost all days of the year. Now, somehow, I know why. And that`s people here chases for warmth, and when they chase it and find it where, they will be happy.
From inside, I still hear the rushing and dancing of the leaves. It is like a bell ringing in my ears. A holy bell. Can I just say that I don't really hate this place that much. No.... no, i don't really hate it. Thanks to me, because from the time I step at this foreign country, I didn't tell to myself that I will hate this. It's the phrase I always bring wherever I go. I think it's because places is not a thing to deal with as long as you wanted to be happy. I think places can be your home when in your heart the only thing you wanted is happiness, bliss...

Yesterday, we went apple picking and visit a relative's house. I don't really like apple much. But, I want memories above all.So I went. We went. That`s the best one. They say, `an apple a day keeps the doctor away`, but I say why need an apple if you can have a bunch of it, to keep more doctors away.hihih
My mother said then, we don`t went there to pick apples but to take pictures, because that`s all we did. I felt the heart there. I felt the love there. At first, I know that it`ll be awkward at some point. (I will not elaborate on that because I don`t have to.) I won`t, because it will bring tears just right now. Ahm, wait.. let me just eat some apple....;((

When you can`t but to question some things, I think the best way was to ignore them.  I just learned that lesson yesterday. Because feelings might be involved, sometimes we  right thing to do is just to ignore it. And go where your heart feels.

So.. there... goodbye for now. I`ll do my best to blog when I arrived. ;)

My life as an otaku

My life is a mess. That's how it goes. Otaku means a person with so much love in manga and anime'. I'm 20 and still my love for manga and anime never changed. I have a confession to make and that is I'm proudly a sole owner of an account in tumblr managing lots of manga/anime boys' pictures and being followed by my fellow otaku estimating 500+ and adding. It's crazy right? All my free time is devoted in posting. Tumblr keeps telling me to be myself, and one of the things belongs to "being myself" is by posting. I'm working part-time now, I stopped studying for a year because I want to go back to the philippines and continue my studies there. I stopped anime when I'm studying so when there is an opportunity to return, i returned loving anime again. return being myself. i hate taking risks, it worries me. like, i'm afraid of doing something new. every people once in a while feel that way, right? it's normal. but, it can't be helped. anime is just an hobby and thought me so many things. it teaches me to go on, smile and face the world. it reflects a world that when you do your best, everything can fall into places. that, when you can hardly see yourself, someone will see you in a new light. if people seems distant, you can have your closest friends by your side and together you'll smile like there is no tomorrow. it teaches me that love can find it's way. that love can be at your doorsteps. it can give you hope. it can give you a wonderful feeling. you must fight for it, even if it will be so hard along the way. lastly, anime is anime. it is not true, i know. it can end in a 12 or 25 episodes. but, it's the lesson that all that matters.

so, when you feeling blue, try watch one. ;)

life

Hi. It's september. I'm going back to the philippines again next month exactly a month from now. I must continue my studies, take a review and pass the board. I know it will take time, and i know that things are easy said than done, but it is how it goes. At least, for now, I'm decided. I know things might go good or bad along the way, but I know it will be ok. When things go wrong, it's easy for me to resolve by keeping quiet, by blaming in myself and forgetting than condemning on others, carry the hurt and hate others. 

Like these tiny little birds borned a day old, I will surely be strong and look for a new beginning. I can feel that it's up to me from now on, on how my future will be built. I'm taking time, chances, and a lot of patience. I know it will be ok, God will be by my side. I know I can never be lonely for I'm always in the presence of an important person to whom in the first place, I owe my life with. And as long as He doesn't want to get back my life, I'll be in here, with so much hope for happiness.

long live! good luck!

tears no more.

Tissues, everyone?

Crying is the best way to express someone's feelings. The strongest person and the happiest one had always been moments in their life when all they've done was to cry. It is a defense mechanism of the heart. The only doings of both saddest and happiest ones. They say that crying sometimes can clear feelings. After you cry, you will feel a lot better. When crying, i usually hide myself and get into my bed. During my weeping moments, i question God. I speak to Him about how I feel and how much it hurts. I would say that when I cr, I feel refreshed afterwards. My heart will change and live in up again. After a bucketful of tears, I will always turn over my hurtful feelings to the Lord. And in return, He will give me new hope to fight for aiming happiness. ;)

my life's simple happiness

When I say simple things, i mean very simple. It can be my family, my friends, and these things:

The flower Rosal is always been my favorite and close to my heart. My grandparents' house had rosal plants on it and blooms with gorgeous flowers. It smells so good. I really want to have many rosal flowers in our house or in my future house. ;) I also remember my kind grandmother. The scent of it makes me remember her everytime. I will always treasure a kind grandmother like her. It breaks my heart because she's not here anymore when I needed a person to hold on to. When I'm crying it will be so hard patting my own heart. When things are not doing good, and when all you do is cry, you will realize people's own way of taking care of you. My grandmother at this point, will give me an ice cream. Anyways, i hope someone will give a rosal and enumerate why he/she gave me one.

I love food! It's when I eat good and delicious food that can kill depression. It's my medicine of heartaches and self-disappointments. But, there are food that I prefer not to eat. Foods that are sour never gets my buds.  That's why I always catch runny nose and cough.

i love pets! i love animals. i love cats and dogs.

i love music. But, i think, it didn't love me? haha.

;)

Monday

It's Monday. Hi! It's about 10 days+ after my birthday. I'm 20 years old now. It's the start of thinking and thinking so hard. I admit that this part of my life, I will make decisions that can make a different path into different/mysterious future. It hurts in my head, I think about two things and that is if I'm gonna continue studying or continue working.

I know God has plans. I prayed to Him to do the decision-making because I can't decide it myself. It is my weakness because from my childhood years my parents are the one deciding and I'm just being obedient doing what they like and trying to analyze why they plan that. I suck into deciding on my own, and for me to decide this big for my future.. my head and heart hurts. It is so hard to balance out things. Because in the end, if I fail... there is no one Ican blame but myself. And I may regret, balme and pity myself. I may think that I'm stupid and weak.

Anyways, God will bless me!
bye.;)